- You’ve been repressing anger. Anger can sometimes live inside of you for years. Your parents hurt you with harsh words or severe punishment. Your peers made fun of you as a teenager. Your boss treated you unfairly. You’ve held all of these hurts inside, and now your stored anger is showing up in your behavior.
- Your expectations aren’t being met. Expectations are tricky. We should have them, but sometimes they can be unrealistic or unreasonable for the season we are in. I’ve heard it said that the distance between our reality and our expectations causes internal conflict, and that conflict will often express itself in our our behavior toward others.
- You don’t feel loved or valued. We are wired for connection. Whether from our intimate, family, or community relationships, when we feel loved, appreciated, and valued, the world is much brighter. When our love tanks are low, we can sometimes get defensive and put up walls to “protect” ourselves from feeling hurt. When we perceive we aren’t valued, we can easily fall into resentment or cynicism that feels much like irritation.
- Your stress level is at capacity. Under stress, people can say and do things they otherwise wouldn’t—sometimes even things they regret. The issue is not that they have no filter or are uncaring, but rather, they’ve reached an unhealthy capacity (emotional limit) due to stress. The energy needed to “tame” their emotions and not react to things that may frustrate or upset them is at a low.
|
